Happy Halloween!

This is the first Halloween of my life where I did nothing to celebrate it. The last few years, I didn't exactly do much, but at least we had a party at school and we put decorations and stuff. And I would wear black or orange and at least do something to make the day special.

This year I did nothing at all. It was almost like it was a completely normal day. But it's Halloween and I'm upset that I didn't do anything. I guess there's always next year though.

I have a lot to do tomorrow, so I need to sleep now so I can wake up in time. I hope that the rest of you had a good Halloween and did something - even if it was something small - to celebrate it. 

Stress

I recently read an article (and I can't find it again so I can't give you the link, sorry) about how people have the need to be stressful. The article stated that having a lot work to do and being stressed is viewed by society as honourable, and so we intentionally stress ourselves by doing too much or trying to handle many things.

I completely agree with the article because I have seen people always compete to be the person who has the most to handle or who is the most stressed. In fact, I think I, myself, find any reason to stress out and give myself goals I know I won't be able to achieve which stresses me. I think people really do feel proud when they have so much to carry that they stress themselves out; it makes us feel like we're somehow better than everyone else.

I guess it's also because if you aren't stressed out with work or responsibilities, people see you as lazy and they somewhat belittle you with how carefree your life is. This motivates us to work extra and do more than we actually need to and and take on more than we can handle.

But being stressed is not a good thing. It's not good for your mental health or your physical health, so I think society needs to change. It needs to be more accepting of people who don't necessarily work until they drop. It needs to honour people who aren't stressed, not belittle them.

I'm not saying working a lot is bad; I'm saying working to the extent where you become stressed is, especially when you're doing so to seem like a better person. Life is too short for us to work to become esteemed only to become stressed and unable to enjoy it. 

xP

It feels really good to be writing this on my laptop. I never realised how much longer it takes for me to type on my iPad. Anyway, that's not important.

I have a headache so I'll probably be writing a few random things - basically anything that comes to my mind.

I started watching Arrested Development, and so far I really like it. I didn't think I would like it as much as I do after watching the first episode. But, yeah, it's good.

Today I didn't do anything productive, so I'm upset about that. Tomorrow, hopefully, I'll get a few things done.

I had a good weekend though. I mean it had it's downs, but for the most part it was good. Weekends are normally good, though, so it's not that much of a surprise.

Okay, I'm going to end this here because I don't have anything interesting at all to write.

Fearing Failure

I always feel like I won't be able to handle the next step in my life even though I know that I will. I always feel like something is bound to come in my way and stump me and that it'll happen at a crucial point in my life. But then I think about what's next for me and I realize that I should be able to tackle what's coming.

So why do I feel like I won't be able to?

Maybe it's just the kind of person I am. I know that I always worry about things and I always feel I am bound to fail. Whether I fail or not most of the time has no impact on that fact. I still always feel I'm going to fail even if my track record is perfect.

I guess it is just my personality. I wish I could change it. Does anyone know where they sell personalities which don't fear failure? I would really like one. 

Eyes Closed

You know when you look at something for so long that when you close your eyes, you see it? And sometimes it's small things like cards because you've played a lot of solitaire or pages of a book because you've read a lot. But sometimes it's something you want to keep on seeing, so you close your eyes more often.

That's happening to me now. Even when I sneeze and my eyes are shut for that fraction of a second, I can see the image. And it's a really nice image. So I'm going to go now to close my eyes. 

Beach

Today we went to the beach for a bit in the morning. I didn't swim though because a) I didn't bring a bathing suit and b) I don't like to swim in the sea. 

I love beaches; I just don't like swimming at beaches. That's because I have a little phobia of the fish in the sea. I like to be able to see what's swimming around me which I can't do because seas are never clear. What I like even more is for there to be nothing swimming around me underwater. 

I guess I'm just a pool person. 

Sleep

Today was an eventful day. It wasn't exactly what I thought it would be like, but that's okay. Anyway, I'm really tired now. I know it's still early, but all I can think of is sleep. Sleep sounds so good right now. 

You know when sleep won't sound good? When I'm doing my English project that is finding the word sleep and explaining it's meaning. I'm really looking forward to that. 

Anyway, I'm going to sleep now. 

Things to do

Yesterday, I came home late which is why I didn't write a proper blog. But I think that the quotes I used this week as substitutes for written blog posts were good. It's always nice to read a good quote, in my opinion. And John Green says and writes the best things.

Anyway, enough about quotes though. Next week I don't have school and I have a whole list of things I plan to do. I really hope I get to do them all. I feel like I'm really falling behind on what I need to do. I just procrastinate or feel tired after school, and end up doing nothing. Basically, things aren't looking too good.

I'm a bit worried about tomorrow because I think it'll be an important day. Hopefully, it'll also be a fun day. I hope it's a fun day for you to!

Another Quote

Another great quote.

(I know I should add sources and give credit to where I got these posters. Sorry.)

Jealousy

I hate jealousy. I'm always jealous of other people and I can't help but be so. When I see someone that has something that I really want, I feel so envious that I feel like I might betray it on my face. (I really don't like it when people can read my face.)

And what's worse is when those people take that thing I want for granted. And it's not their fault. It's just sometimes the things I want are so simple that no one realize that they have it or that other people don't.

I know I'm being very vague, but I just felt like expressing how much I wish I never got jealous. I know people who don't get jealous but instead feel happy for others. I wish I was that kind of person. 

Quote:

- John Green (TFiOS)

This is possibly my favourite quote of all time. Just look at how wonderful it is. 

Exaggerating

I'm glad this week is a short one. I really want to start focusing on things that aren't related to school. I feel like I spent most of my free time finishing my homework this weekend, and now I want a break. Also, I have a test tomorrow which I didn't study for and I'm sure I won't do well. But I don't have the time to study now. Oh well.

Basically, I want a break to do nothing. But the odd thing is that whenever I have nothing to do, I always need to find something. I want to do nothing and yet I can't allow myself to do just that. I always have to be doing something. So I guess it's my fault I don't have the break I want.

I sound like I do a lot of work. I don't. I'm just exaggerating. But, hey, it's my blog and I can do whatever I want, right?

Uhhh

So today didn't go entirely as planned, but it was still okay. I ended up doing productive things which is a plus. October is going by quickly and I don't know if that's a good or bad thing.

On one hand, I want the year to end so it going by quickly is good. I really can't wait for next year even though I know it won't start out well. But on the other hand, NaNoWriMo is approaching and I still have no ideas. I'm going to try and think of some now, but I'm not too optimistic.

That's what I'll go and do now. Wish me luck, even though by the time you read this I'll probably be already finished brainstorming!

Weekend

This weekend will be a busy one. Actually, most of my weekends are busy and the only time I'm free to do anything is at night, but normally I'm too tired by then so I just sleep. Anyway, this weekend is going to be busier than normal. I also think it'll be fun. So I'm looking forward to that.

Lately, I like to be up and about. I always used to like to stay at home, but now I want to always do things out of the house and even when I stay at home, I try to watch as little as possible and to do more productive things. I won't have a chance to do many productive things weekend though.

Anyway, I hope my weekend turns out well and that yours does also. 

Complaining?

Thursdays are my favourite days and I have decided that Wednesdays have become my least favourite days. Of course, this all depends on my school schedule, but I think Wednesday is a good day to not like in general - don't ask me why though.

I'm getting sick of tests. We have a test almost everyday, which I guess is normal, but it's just annoying me. Maybe it's because I'm just sick in general - literally sick I mean. I really want to get rid of my cough. It's driving me crazy. Also, people aren't supposed to stay feeling sick for two weeks, are they? Unless you have a bad cold, and my cold is a normal one. It should have been gone by now.

Anyway, I think I've complained enough for today. 

Boring Stuff

This week is going by slowly. I want it to end. And I still haven't done any brainstorming. It's starting to drive me crazy because I need to brainstorm but I always find something else to do.

Anyway, I think that this year isn't as busy as last year was in terms of projects and things like that. Maybe because it's just the beginning, but it feels like it's a lighter year, even though we're taking harder things. Maybe that will change though.

I want to read now, so I'll end this here. Hope you had a good day. 

One Future

Sometimes we expect things to happen and when things turn out differently, we get upset. But just because things don't happen the way we expect them to doesn't necessarily mean that things will turn out bad. It's a good thing to know what you want and to work for it. In fact, it's very important to set goals and to try to achieve them. But I think people should just be more open when it comes to the future. We shouldn't restrict ourselves to one set future, but should prepare ourselves for the possibility of a number of different futures. 

Tv, Skydiving and Music

I watched the season premiere of Fringe. It was so good. I can't even describe how good it was. I can't wait to watch more.

Also, I watched the Austrian guy jump from, well I'm not exactly sure how high up he was, but it was high. I have no idea how he did it. It was kind of scary when he started flipping uncontrollably - or at least it seemed to me to be that way, maybe he was in complete control. Anyway, he stopped flipping and he landed safely. It was pretty cool.

Now I'm listening to Panic! At the Disco so I'm finding it really hard to blog. I love Vices and Virtues. There isn't a single song in that album that I don't like. I know I've mentioned this before.

Anyway, I'm going to end this here. Bye. 

June

I really cannot wait until June. I just want school to be over with so that I can focus on other things. I want to be finished with SATs and quarter exams and all that. I want things to end quickly.

I feel like this school year, I haven't started out well. And I don't know what to do about it. I don't even know why I feel this way, but I do. The weird thing though is that I like this school year so far. I just don't think it's going well. I feel like things will only go downhill from here.

Also, by June everyone will be on holiday, not just me. The only thing I'd have to worry about in June is university and I guess I'll be able to handle that.  But like I mentioned before, I just have to wait till then  

The Most Elegant Mutt

Normal?

My bed has been pushed. It's not in the place that it usually is in and it's annoying me. As I'm sitting on my bed now, I feel like I am too far from my window and too close to my cupboard. I would push it back to it's usually position but I'm too sleepy to get up again.

It's still weird though. I feel like things are uneven. Is that normal? Do all people feel like that when something as big as a bed is not in its place or is it just me? It probably is just me.

I started looking at universities because I have to apply by March. I don't really have many options because what I want to study is not popular here, but I'm still looking around. I'm kind of nervous about university even though I still have a year ahead of me before I start. Is that normal? What is normal anyway?

Maybe I'm just nervous in general and I explain that it's due to university because that's the only explainable reason - or at least the only explanation I'm willing to give.

But I know that being nervous about things is normal is normal. I don't even have to ask about that one. 

Very Short Post

I really need to start brainstorming; it's already the tenth and I have nothing. I can't believe tomorrow's Thursday though. The days really do go by quickly. I'm still waiting though.  

I have to go to sleep now so I will end this here. Hope you all had a good day. 

Can't think of a title.

I really want to play slender, but I want to play it at night with the lights off. I know it's supposed to be scary, but I've seen people play it and it doesn't seem that bad. I just feel that if I don't play it in the dark, then I won't be playing it properly.

Anyway, what else should I write about. I've noticed that lately I can't stay on one topic. I have to always write about more than one thing. You know what else I just noticed? I noticed that at the beginning of the year, I said I would blog more interesting posts in summer because I would have time and stuff like that and I didn't. I think my posts were equally uninteresting in the summer as they were at the beginning of the year.

I hope you all had a great day, and I will write again tomorrow (obviously). 

Waiting

I have always been told that I am a patient person. Whether that is true or not, I don't know, but I have been told that. And I'll admit that I am pretty good at waiting, but sometimes I get sick of waiting. Sometimes I want everything to happen right away.

But I still have to wait; I still have to be patient. Life is all about waiting. I mean, sure sometimes you have to go and get things done yourself and don't have to wait,  but the majority of the time, we are forced to wait. And wait. And wait. It can get very tiresome.

As I'm writing this I'm waiting anxiously for a few things. But sometimes instead of wishing that things would happen right away, I wish they would never happen. That's how I feel now, even though at the same time, I don't want to wait. 

TV and the Year

I feel lie rewarding Serendipity. Maybe I'll just rewatch all of Firefly, but then againI want to start watching Breaking Bad, so I might not have time to watch Firefly. Not that I have enough time to watch Breaking Bad. I feel like the days are going by really quickly.

 I think that's a good thing though. I just want this year to be over with. I don't even know if this year has a been a good one or not; I just want it to end. And I want next year to be better. Too bad people rarely get what they want.

Nothing

I really don't feel like blogging. I think it's partly because what I really feel like writing about, I can't. So I'm forced to write about something that I don't particularly feel like writing about, making the post not interesting. 

But what can I do? I have to write something. 

I could write about how I'm feeling better today and I think my cold is almost gone. That's something cheerful, but it's not interesting. 

What else is there? Nothing. There is absolutely nothing. But nothing is sometimes good. Sure, sometimes it can be bad also, but this post is supposed to be cheerful! I think it would be cheerier if I wasn't frowning right now. I feel like my frown is translating into text. 

But back to nothing: it's good this time! I can safely say that in all cases, 'nothing' would be good right now. 

Hamster

I always wanted a hamster.



Look at how cute he/she is!

November and Daleks Voice

I have decided that in November I will not blog. It's just going to be too much for me because November is usually a busy month and on top of that I will do NaNoWriMo again this year.

Speaking of that, I need to start planning. This year I have absolutely no ideas. Maybe when I start brainstorming, I'll get some. Either way, I'll still write a story no matter how it turns out.

Off topic, but my voice is starting to sound like the Daleks. Whenever that happens, I just walk around saying 'exterminate' which drives my family mad. It's a lot of fun.

Anyway, I will sleep now because I have a few things I need to do this weekend, so I have to wake up early and get a good night's sleep. 

Opinions and Stuff

Why is it that people always want others to like what they like? For example, if I like a certain book and my friend doesn't, I would feel as if my friend was an alien to me. Okay, maybe that's an extreme example, but you get my point. And not only do we want them to like it, but we feel truly offended when someone doesn't like it. We all know that people have different opinions and not everyone will like everything we like, yet we still get offended.

And then this leads us to not sharing what we like in fear that others might ridicule us. Many of us will say that you shouldn't care about the people who ridicule you, but you still do. You still want to avoid having someone ridicule your taste and so you don't share it.

But people should be free to like and dislike whatever they want without feeling ridiculed or feeling like they're insulting anyone. People should feel free to share their opinions no matter what because everyone's opinion matters.

Mind and Body

I've been feeling good lately. I think my stress has finally gone down and things are good. I hope things stay like this because I want to end 2012 well.

I can't believe it's already October. We've been in school for one month. How crazy is that? Time really has gone by quickly.

But enough about that; I feel I always talk about time. Let's talk about something else.

 I watched a Talk today where the speaker said that if you make yourself look bigger, you end up feeling like you have more power and vice versa. I think that's just amazing to think about: how our body affects our mind. People always try to control their bodies with their minds, but now we can try  to control our minds and how we perceive ourselves with our body language.

I don't know, maybe I'm the only one, but I find this stuff interesting. 

Good Night

I have to wake up in about five hours and I really need my beauty sleep. So this will be very short. In fact, I feel sorry about how short this will be. But I really need to sleep, even though I'm not tired one bit.

Actually, now that I think about it, I am tired. Andbutso, good night. 

Wastefulness

It's incredible how wasteful we all are. We don't even realize how much we waste of everything everyday. We waste time; we waste paper; we waste food; we waste just about everything there is to waste. 

Is it an inherent trait for humans to waste? Are there people out there who don't waste anything? I haven't met one yet, but then again I've only met a tiny fraction of the people of the world. For all I know, there could be millions of people who don't waste. 

But, for now, I am inclined to believe otherwise. And I know lots of people are working to reduce waste and reduce the trait of being wasteful. But it'll be one hard job. 

Cake and Money

Christopher just told me that the cake went bad. Now I'm sad. I don't even know when I planned to eat a piece but I'm still sad. I like cake too much.

Speaking of cake, there are a lot of birthdays coming up. I need to start saving my money, especially since after the birthdays end, Christmas shopping will start. So far I have no money. I think I'm doing well, don't you?

I'm really bad at handling money. I always forget how much I have or how much I've spent. I don't think I'll have that problem when I'm older though. I just think that, now, the worst case scenario is that I'll borrow money from my parents and pay them later. So I don't worry about my money.

That's probably why I owe my parents so much money.

How did this start off about cake and end about money? I guess you need money to buy cake (I was going to write that you need cake to buy money which would make the world a much happier place but is not the case). All I know is that cake and money are both great things to have, as long as you don't eat them too. 

People

I always think of people negatively. I'm always more likely to believe that they have more evil than good in them. And maybe I have a good reason for thinking that, and maybe I don't, but either way, I think of people that way.

But, today, I realized that I could be wrong. Not completely wrong, mind you, just sort of wrong. Maybe not everyone has more bad than good in them. Maybe some of the people who I thought were not nice at all turned out to be not that bad. Maybe people in general aren't that bad.

Or maybe this is just how I think when I don't drink my second coffee. Tomorrow I'll probably think negatively of people just like before. 

The sun

I'm so tired as I'm writing this. And tomorrow will be one long day.

Here's a picture of the sun. Sorry I can't write anything more.

Mix of Topics

This week went by quickly. I can't believe tomorrow is Thursday. I hope the days go by quickly like this till the end of the year. If they do, then this year will be the best year ever.

I'm at a complete blank (is that even the right expression?). I can't think of anything interesting enough to write about. I was going to write about how the people who are closest to you always have a bigger chance of disappointing you and how that disappointment is normally big. But I didn't really feel like going much into that.

Then I wanted to write about how we took a personality text at school and from a scale of 0-40 in being extroverted (40 being the score of a person who was the most extroverted) I got a score of 1. I didn't realize I was that introverted! But that's all I have to say on that subject so it's not enough for me to write a post about.

Of course I could talk about the birthdays today. But I mean, there's not much to say. We had a birthday celebration and I got to eat two kinds of cake. Also, we sang happy birthday and everything was just great. I never thought I would ever get so emotional about the happy birthday song.

And that's about it. I could tell you a bit about school, but, really, who cares? I hope your weeks have been going by as quickly as mine, or that they have been going by slowly and you're enjoying them. 

Fine

Even though most people in my class are complaining about the work we're getting this year and how hard it is, I've actually been enjoying it. I like all my classes and so far all the work seems simple enough. I'm glad I picked the science course instead of the arts one.

The year has also been good so far in all areas, not just the work and subjects. I don't know how long it will last, but so far things are going fine.

Anyway, on that note I will end this: I'll leave everything fine. 

For Granted

For some reason, lately, I have to refresh the page a few times before I can write a post. It's getting kind of annoying. But at least so far it's always worked in the end.

When I look back on my life, I realize that so far my life has been a good, interesting one. It wasn't always the best, but most of the time it was - and still is - good. If only I realized this back then instead of taking things for granted. I still take most things for granted. I need to stop that though.

Basically, what I want to say is that I should be more thankful for everything I've got. And I have a lot to be thankful for. 

Gender Biases

I read an article today about how gender biases still exist today. My first thought was that of course they still exist. Maybe I know they exist more than someone living in the west would because there are many gender biases here that I experience all the time. But it still shouldn't be surprising to anyone.

I always knew that they still exist in the Western world even if they aren't as overt as they are here. The article even says that both women and men form these biases unconsciously and aren't aware that they're being sexist. I find that part very fascinating because I personally know many people who claim they aren't sexist when their actions say otherwise. Now, I know most of the time they do realize that they are acting sexist but just don't want to admit it, but there are a few cases where I think the people don't realize that they're acting on gender biases.

This article was good because it showed people who believe gender biases are no longer problem that they still are. I think awareness is always the first step to solving anything, so I hope more people become aware of the problem of gender biases and sexism which still largely exist. 

Routine vs Change

I feel like I'm a person of contradictions. For example, I love routine. I love to wake up at the same time everyday and follow the same routine to get ready. And then have coffee at the same time everyday and have routines for other little things. When those routines need to change, then I get a tiny bit annoyed. I mean, it's not like a huge thing, and I can deal with it, but deep down I know I'm annoyed.

Saying that, I also can say that I like change. If things are always the same, I get bored. I remember thinking as a kid as I went to make my breakfast on a Saturday morning how I was bored with my life and wanted to go live somewhere else, have a different routine. And I feel like that all the time now.

So how can I feel both those things at once? How can I like routine and change at the same time? I wish I had the answer but I don't. I'll just have to go on living my life always wondering that.
(I make that sound a lot more dramatic than it actually is.)

Waiting and Seeing

I'm running out of ideas as to what I should I write here. I think that I've said pretty much all I've wanted to say and now I'm lost. But I will continue this until December, even though a lot of the time I won't want to. 

And I have no idea what I'll do in November. But I'll cope. 

'I'll cope' sounds like I'm going to war or will have to face something truly horrible. But I like writing so I'm sure I'll be able to write about nothing. Maybe I'll even be able to write a full post about nothing, like this one and many of the previous ones. 

I guess we'll just have to wait and see. 

More of Myself

Sometimes I don't like myself. I make up excuses for the way I am as if they're actually valid excuses. They're not. I don't tell people my excuses, but I keep them for myself. It's a way to reassure myself; a way of telling myself that sure, maybe I'm not the best, but it's not my fault. But whose fault could it be but mine?

Sometimes, I feel like I don't realize what I have because I'm too fixated on everything I don't have. But it's hard sometimes to look at the good things; it's human nature to always want more. See? I always come up with excuses.

I know that I'm a pessimist - though I think I'm actually a realist, but don't most pessimist think that? I wish I was optimistic. I wish I could see a future where I would not make any excuses or focus on the things I don't have. But I can't see a good future ever, even though according to my life so far, I should have a good one: nothing points to a bad future.

Don't think I'm depressed or upset in anyway just because I'm writing this; I just wanted to get it off my chest. I mean, sometimes I don't like who I am, but sometimes I do. It's just now I'm feeling more of the former. 

Pictures

You know what I haven't done in a while? I haven't made a post with pictures. So even thoug yesterday's post was horrible and I was planning on writing something worthwhile, I will instead post some pictures.

Enjoy!

My second cousins had a pet rabbit. I forgot his name, but I remember he was cute.

This is a picture of idea of the Internet. Not only is this an extremely cool picture, it's also artistic. 

 

This is the actual Internet. 

This took way longer for me to do than I expected it would. So three pictures is all you're getting! Bye!

Short Sentences

Coffee is good. I love coffee.

Anyway, that's what I'm drinking now. I need to sleep though, so I will once I finish my coffee. Did I mention that I love coffee?

I think today was a good day. I'm happy about it. Sorry for the short sentences, but I am typing with only one hand. So, this post will be made of only short sentences. Is that okay? Not that it matters because you don't have a say in the format of the posts I've already posted.

Was that a short sentence? Anyway, this is. 

Reading about Evolution

Currently I'm reading 'The Greatest Show on Earth' by Richard Dawkins, along with a few other books, and so far it's really interesting. I've always found evolution fascinating, so I'm sure that I'll enjoy reading a whole book about it. And, it's a book written by Dawkins, so that's a plus.

I'm glad that my school teaches evolution even though most of the students and teachers believe in Creationism. At least they realise that it's a proven theory and that it should be taught in school. We don't study it in detail though; we just take the basics. But at least it's something.

Anyway, I just started the book and because I'm reading three other books, I don't know when I'll finish it. But I'm excited to read it. 

Distracted

For some reason, today I couldn't concentrate in class. Normally, I'm always aware of what's happening and what the teacher is saying, but today I couldn't focus. I can't think of any good enough reason to distract me, but I was distracted.

Anyway, it's not like I missed much. And I understood the notes so I'm fine. I just want to figure out why I wasn't focusing. I can't even remember what happened in some of the classes. It's like I've drawn a blank when I try to recall them. And I know it's completely normal to zone out during class; it's just not all that normal for me.

Have you ever felt distracted without knowing why, or is it just me? Maybe I'm just weird.

Exceptions

We live in a world full of exceptions. We, as humans, always make our own exceptions for everything. I know that exceptions are what makes things so interesting and not boring, but imagine how much simpler life would be without them. 

For example, it is known that people who don't do their homework are slackers. But it's also known that sometimes they have family issues or aren't able to grasp the concept of that particular homework and so those people aren't slackers; they're the exceptions. Technically, school shouldn't provide exceptions, and yet they do because school is, obviously, run by humans. And we just have to have exceptions. 

That was a very simple example and not a very good one. That exception isn't such a big deal and it doesn't really affect many people. But if life was just made of rules without exceptions then it would be a whole lot easier to follow them because you'd know there wasn't a way out. And it would be a whole lot easier to understand life. 

Like I mentioned previously, a life without exceptions would be a boring one, but I still can't help imagining how it would be like. But life is life as it is now and as we all know it, and no matter what I think, it'll always be full of exceptions. 

Why?

Sometimes, I wonder why I'm here. Why me? Why do I have this life and not another one? I don't mean that I want another one; I'd say that I'm pretty content with my life. I just want to know why.

When I was younger, I would think about myself and how I came to be what I was. I don't mean biologically. It's hard to describe, but I'll try. I used to picture the way a body got a personality was random. I mean, I knew it wasn't completely random, but I would think that there were, for example, three possible personality candidates for the embryo I used to be. And then one of us would be picked randomly. So it wasn't completely random and yet it kind of was.

Of course, I know that's not how things work, but I thought it was when I was a kid. So I would spend a lot of time trying to think why I was picked or if it was really just something random and I was lucky. I would also wonder if all of this - and by 'this' I mean life - was just a dream. Maybe I didn't know it, but I was actually asleep the whole time.

The point of this post is basically to portray to you all how weird I was as a kid. I still am weird, but at least I know more than I did then about life. I still wonder why though. 

Fun and Energy

Today, Nadeen had a graduation pool party. It wasn't really a party, just our group of friends hanging out, but still. It was quite interesting and eventful.

But I'm really tired now even though I didn't actually swim that much and didn't do anything. I just feel like I have no energy. I also feel like I'm no longer any fun. I mean, I know I can be fun t times, but I feel like I always choose not to be fun and I don't know why. I wish I did though.

Anyway, tomorrow seems like it will be a long day, so I should go to sleep now. Good night!

Heroes

I was watching something today that was about how people become evil. The speaker mentioned how a person's environment and the system around him or her could lead them to make 'evil' decisions. He also mentioned how following blindly can make people act in ways that they wouldn't normally act in. Of course those are all things that most people can guess, but sometimes we just don't think about them. 

Another thing he said was how a person could also change their personality to become good because sometimes they aren't completely bad but have been lead to make a bad decision. He ended his speech by saying that students from a young age should be lead to believe that they can all be heroes if they just wait for their time - and, according to him, we're all going to get our chance. 

I found that part very interesting because that means everyone has the potential of being a hero. I imagine myself in the future as someone who helps people, but I would never imagine myself as a hero. I don't even know what that means. What is a hero? Is it a person who saves a person from death or just saves them? What does 'saving' a person imply?

This all can lead to many questions which I will not bore you with, but I do think it's a good idea for everyone to believe they can be a hero. I mean, what's the worst that could happen?

Myself

Sometimes, I feel like I really understand myself, while at other times I feel like I don't. A lot of times this summer I was feeling like the latter. Now that school has started though, I feel like the former. So I'm trying to figure out what caused this change in my thoughts.

Maybe it was because in the summer I was doing a lot of thinking about stuff, while now I mostly think about school work. Maybe just seeing everyone in school has made me more aware of myself. I know that doesn't sound like it should make sense, but it does to me. I can compare myself to others to learn more about myself and therefore understand myself. Or maybe I just have more things to think about besides myself so I've decided that I completely understand myself so I don't have to think about it anymore.

Yet here I am, thinking about it.

Maybe there is no reason and I'm just over thinking this. And maybe - and this is probably the most accurate one - no one is interested in this kind of stuff except me, and no one finds in odd that I've changed my mind about myself and if they did find it odd, they wouldn't care. 

Not so interesting post

This week seems to be going by quickly and yet slowly. How is that even possible? What does that even mean? I'm not sure, but it feels like that.

I finally accomplished one my goals that I had for summer, so I'm happy about that. I mean, I realise it's no longer summer, but that goal had to be delayed so it's okay. Otherwise, there is absolutely nothing new with me.

Now I'm waiting for my mum to get off the phone so I can talk to her. That's the most interesting thing happening right now. Since I'm so fascinating today, I'll think I'll end this here.

:)

Parallel Universe

This is probably because I watched Fringe, but sometimes I wonder what a parallel universe would be like. How different would my life be if things were just a tiny bit different? Would I have been eating birthday cake yesterday? Would I be less shy? Would I have been in Canada? Would I be excited today instead of worried?

These are all things that would be different if one tiny thing was different. For example, what would have happened if we had decided to move to Toronto and not come here? I mean, sure it seems like a big change, but it's actually just one life choice.

These things really interest me. I know that no matter how much I think about it, things will always be the same as they are now, but it's still fun to wonder about. Plus, for all I know, parallel universe me is doing a lot worse than I am. I hope she's not, though. 

Literally Where I Am

I have no time to write so this will be a disappointing post.

I have a friend who always asks if how I imagined myself as a teenager when I was a kid was actually how I turned out to be. I never know the answer, because I didn't really think much about how my teenage years would be like. But, I do know that I would never have guessed that I would be where I am today.

And by where I am, I mean literally where I am. I always thought I'd be in Canada, not in Egypt. So all my plans as a kid were completely pushed away for other plans that had to do with Egypt. I never told this to my friend though. I wonder why. 

Things on my mind

Right before I have to present something for school, I always feel sick. I start to feel very hot and I feel like throwing up. Normally, that feeling goes away as soon as I actually start presenting. I know that I'm nervous throughout the whole presentation, but I stop feeling sick.

The reason I'm mentioning this now even though we haven't had time to have any presentations yet is that I'm feeling like this now. I mean, not right this second, but during the day, I, all of a sudden, feel nervous and then feel sick.

It's not as bad as wanting to throw up; I just feel ill because I'm nervous. I know why I'm nervous and that being nervous won't help, but I can't help how I feel. I guess I'll just have to wait for these next few days to pass and hope for the best. 

12 year old stories

When I was eleven or twelve and I would spend the summer at my grandparent's house, I would write a lot. I was working on a story which my grandpa told me he'd give me a sum of money for every page I was able to write.

At the time, I was very happy with the story and everyone who read it would tell me how great it was and that I really had potential and all that stuff. So, I was quite proud of myself.

Now, I never finished that story. I don't know if I got bored of it, or if I decided to spend the last few weeks of summer reading, but either way it was put under my never to be completed stories. A few years ago though, I decided to type the story and maybe try to come up with an ending.

When I read the first few pages, I found that it was really horrible. It was written horribly and it seemed to me that an eight year old could have written something better. When I asked my mum how she possibly thought the story was any good, she replied that it was good for my age at the time and that the ideas we're very good.

I still didn't think that was a good reason, but I let it slide.

Anyway, I never finished copying it and so it's still left unfinished. But today, I decided to type some more of it, and even though it was really hard for me to read, I tried to fix it up without completely removing the essence of 12 year old in me who had written it at the time.

I'll try to type all of it, but I doubt I ever will. And maybe I can make it less horrible and actually something to be proud of. 

Music Stuff

The tips of my fingers hurt from playing guitar. So typing this isn't the most fun thing in the world.

The latest Panic! At the Disco album is so good! I mean I think that all their songs - or at least the ones I've heard - are great, but the album is just something else. I try to play some of their songs on the guitar, but they don't sound that good. Not to mention I can not sing the songs right at all when I'm playing.

I actually have that problem a lot. Without the guitar, when I sing, I can stay in tune. Once I start to play guitar though, I encounter problems. But if someone else is playing guitar then I don't have any problems. Not that I can sing well in the first place. That's probably where the problem starts from.

But that's enough about music and singing and guitar. Now I will go and read. Have a nice day tomorrow!

School Stuff

A few days ago, I had a lot to write about, but I didn't write any of it because I felt like I had to end the house story. Now, none of those things are relevant and I have nothing much to talk about.

Today was a much better day than yesterday. We actually did some stuff at school and I didn't get a headache. I mean, I kind of felt I had a small one at one point but it went away quickly so that's something.

I still need to get used to the whole Nadeen not being in school with us. It's kind of weird cause she's always been there. Even when I would not see her the whole day, at least I knew she was there and I'd be able to see her later. It's good that she's out of there though.

It'll be good when I'm out of there also.

First Day

Even though today was the first day of school, I don't have anything special to say. I guess that after going to school all these years the first day is no longer anything special. As soon as you know which class you're in and your teachers, it's exactly the same as the year before.

We didn't do much today, and I couldn't help thinking that if I was at home I'd be more productive. Sure, until 9 I would be sleeping but I would accomplish more and not get a headache by 12 and therefore kill the rest of the day. That's what school does.

I didn't mean for this to be a hating-on-school post. I have hopes that I might even enjoy school this year. Today just wasn't a good day, so I'm not in these best of moods to write a cheery post.

Here's hoping that tomorrow will be a better day. 

Old House (2)

The old hardwood floor had many holes. Rory couldn't help but think that there was a huge possibility that termites were the cause for the holes. She didn't want to come in contact with any bugs, never mind a bug like a termite.

She took out her flashlight from her back pocket and as she clicked on the switch, the creaking door slammed shut. The house became completely quiet. It was so quiet that she found it eerie. There was no pitter-patter of rodents running on hardwood, no swoosh of wind blowing through the open windows, and now no creaking door.

There was one noise though: Rory's heavy breathing. Try as she might, she could not breath normally, and her heart was beating too rapidly for her liking.

"I just have to go to the garden, that's all," Rory whispered to herself, mostly to reassure herself that she could talk.

With that thought, she took a few steps, then some more, then some more. When she was half way through, she saw two round circles gleaming at her. Scared, she quickly shone her flashlight on them and let out a yelp as she looked at the eyes of a huge rat. It was as big as a small cat, and Rory didn't like cats.

Without thinking, she started to run towards the door.

Meanwhile, the younger kids outside were starting to get nervous. The house wasn't that long and Rory should have been back by then.

"Sarah, stand still!" Johnny said.

Sarah stopped pacing and looked towards the house worriedly. She couldn't stop thinking of all the things that could have happened to Rory. Why had Johnny convinced them to come to this place in the first place? They could have all been at home playing hide and seek in the yard.

Then to her delight, Rory came running from the back garden towards them.

"Johnny, look! She's back!" she cried.

When Rory was next to them she grinned. "Well, that was easy. There's nothing to be scared of. I mean besides the termites, the huge rats, and the ghosts."

"Ghosts? You saw a ghost?" Johnny said in awe.

Rory shrugged. "If you want to know what's in there, then you can go inside." And with that she left the two younger kids and walked away.

Sarah and Johnny looked at each other with wide eyes. Then ran towards their sister, both secretly agreeing never to go near that haunted house again.

Wishes

Lately, I've been thinking of what my three wishes would be if a magic genie showed up. When I was younger, I would always say that I would wish for an infinite number of wishes. Then I'd ponder about how to summon those wishes. After all, I'd watched enough movies and shows about people wishing things that they didn't want to wish for, and I always told myself that that would never happen to me. No, I would tell that genie that when I snapped my fingers four times - or anything that involved something I wouldn't randomly do - and then said a wish then that wish would be a real one. That way I could always make sure that I didn't wish something accidentally.

But what if infinite wishes wasn't a possibility? What would I do then? I have no idea what I'd wish for. I think that I would over think about those three wishes, and in fact become consumed by them, that I would never make a single wish.

I guess that would be the only case where the world not being a wish-granting factory (tfios) would be a good thing: I wouldn't want to waste my life thinking of the perfect wishes just to end up not wishing for anything. 

Old House

The old door creaked as it swayed back and forth with the wind. The windows were so full of dust that they looked black. They probably hadn't really been windows for many many years. The whole house hadn't been a home for many many years except to bugs and rodents.

A few meters from the door, three small children were standing arguing amongst each other.

"You have to go in first!" cried the youngest one who had two small pigtails and probably wasn't even 6.
"No, Johnny should go in. It was his idea in the first place," said the oldest, calmly.
"Yes, but the deal was that you'd go in first."
"No one cares about the deal."

This went on for a few more minutes until finally the oldest let out a sigh and said, "Fine. I'll go first."

She took a deep breath and walked towards the creaking door. She didn't want to show it, but she was scared. This house looked like it had come out of a horror movie and she had never wanted to go in it. But now she had to because of their stupid dare. Why couldn't she have just stayed at home?

The two younger kids stared in amazement. They never thought Rory would be brave enough to go first. She hated that house and even chose to walk the longer route to school just to avoid it. Maybe the house wasn't as scary as it seemed and maybe Rory had somehow realized that.

They saw Rory push the door and then walk in to the darkness. 

Thursday

Today is the last Thurday before school starts. It seems like it was only a few weeks ago when I was saying that it was the last Thursday of school. The days have really gone by quickly.

Tomorrow should be a good day. I hope it is.

This might seem random, but I was thinking about how people misjudge others. And when they realize their mistake - if, in fact, they ever do - then they probably feel embarrassed about themselves and try to act as if they had never misjudged anyone. But it doesn't work that way. People don't forget how others have treated them just because those others think they should.

Wouldn't it be great if that was the case, though? Imagine how easy forgiving would be. 

Creek

When we were in Canada, Nadeen and I were sharing a room and she would always watch Dawson's Creek before she slept. One of the days, she recommended that I watch it, and so today I watched the first two episodes.

Now, I should admit that the main reason I decided to watch it was because of Joshua Jackson, and because I wanted to see him act as someone besides's Peter. But I did not expect him to be so young. The whole time I couldn't help but imagine him as Peter and not Pacey.

It's odd though to see him so young, or any person, for that matter, whom you've seen as an adult as a teenager or kid.* I guess it's because it doesn't work like that: you normally see people as a kid and then as an adult, not the other way around.

Anyway, I might watch episode 3 tomorrow, or not. I think that after I promised to try and write a post everyday, I've decided to not make any more commitments. Saying that, I plan on entering Nanowrimo this November. I can't help myself sometimes.

______

*This sentence is phrased horribly, but hopefully you get the point. 

Good Day

Today was a good day. I'm really tired now, though - not that it beinga good  or bad day has anything to do with how tired I am. But yes, today was a good day.

I'm still nervous though. Maybe a little less nervous about some things, but I'm still nervous.

You don't know how much I wish I had something of value to say right now, but I don't. So I won't prolong your reading this. Good night!

Nerves

School starts in exactly a week. I'm nervous. Not about school though. I know that the way those two sentences are written it is almost impossible not to associate my nervousness with school, but I promise that that is not why I'm nervous.

I finished reading Pride and Prejudice about a week ago and I have just finished watching the 1995 series. I thought the series was good. But now when I feel upset or anything like that, I feel like exclaiming, "My poor nerves! You do not know how I suffer!" or something to that effect.

But, seriously, my poor nerves. You really don't know how I suffer.

Just kidding.

Summers

I really feel like writing stories these days. So maybe the next few posts will be short stories that don't really have a plot like the rest of the stories here. But to be fair, most of the stories I write here are written right before I sleep and are not in the least bit planned. So if they are horrible, I have an excuse - only not really, because no excuse can ever really be excused.

Anyway, school is just around the corner and I was thinking about whether I accomplished most of my goals for this summer. I think that for the most part, I have. I'm a lot happier about how this summer turned out to be than last year's summer. Last year, I accomplished nothing that I wanted, but last summer was more enjoyable, I think.

I guess both were good in their own ways. 

The 25th

My grandparents left very early in the morning so I didn't get to see them. But I think they enjoyed themselves this past week which I'm happy about.

I think we will be quite busy during this last week before school. We have a few things we need to do.

I have nothing of importance to say today. So this is where I'll end this post.
TSWGO

Story: Almost There

I thought I'd write a story today. Here it is:

It's really crowded here. We are all tired after a 10 day holiday that wasn't actually a holiday, but more like 10 days of us driving around with a bit of happy and a bit of depressing parts. But this crowd is just too much. We are a big group and as we stand in line, we have to slightly push people so that we can all stand together. The toddler who was forced to come with us is fed up and just wants to get home. He starts screaming 'AKAA' very loudly.

Everyone looks at us. They all seem tired also and don't take kindly to the screaming. We try to make him be quiet but he is hearing nothing of it. We give up after a minute because at this point we don't care if anyone's annoyed - or we do care, but this is what we tell ourselves so we don't have to make an effort.

Finally it's our turn next and we take off our shoes and belts and rush through the metal detectors. This is the last metal detector we'll pass on this journey. Once we've all passed, we smile at each other. We don't need to say anything because we know what we're all thinking: we're almost home.

Of course, we're not almost home; we still have a few long ours ahead of us. But it doesn't matter, because passing that gate, passing the metal detectors, we have crossed the imaginary line that was separating us from home.

So we are almost there. 

Best Holiday

My grandparents have been staying with us for a week, and on Saturday, they're leaving. It's been fun while they've been around. We've been eating so much and swimming and spending most of the day downstairs together. In this past week, my lifestyle has changed a lot.

Some things that haven't changed are that I still read a lot, watch videos, and try to play guitar at least once a day.

But the main point of this post - and yes it does have one - is that even though I'm at home, it feels like I'm on holiday. Only on this holiday, I have all of my things so that I can still do the things I love to do. For me, this is the best kind of holiday ever. 

Kay and Differences

I was planning on writing this whole post on how much Sarah Kay inspires me, because she does. She has such a soothing voice which I can't even begin to compare to mine, her poetry is beautiful, and she's very entertaining to watch.

But, I have decided to not devote this whole post to her but just the first paragraph. Instead, I thought I could write about what it means to be grown up. Does it mean paying bills? Or living away from your parents? And when does a person become an adult? I don't mean legally and whatnot, but I mean mentally. 

And what does it even mean to be an adult?

As an adult, you think children are very different from you and as a child, you think adults act in the weirdest ways. But are they really much different? Aren't they the same but with different toys? With the same feelings and emotions but with different ways of expressing them?

Sometimes I can look at a little kid and a grown up and see that they're almost identical. Maybe it's just me, and I'm looking the wrong way. 

Regrets

When we look back at our lives, we all have our regrets. We all wish we had done many things differently, or that we had been wiser at the time. My question today ischemic what is your biggest regret? What do you really wish you had done differently?

I think I know what mine is, but I'm not a hundred percent sure. I'm not going to share it here because my regrets are mine and they'll stay that way. And I'm not asking you to tell me yours; I just think it's important for us to think of our own biggest regret.

I know it's a corny saying, but we do learn from our mistakes. But we also have a tendency to dwell on the past in an unhealthy way. If we could find a way to remember our past mistakes without dwelling on them, then we could make sure we don't make them again. That's why I'm saying that we should find one big mistake, and work on that. Then, you can learn without dwelling on the whole past.

Future?

Lately, I've been thinking about the future. Not specifically my future, but more of the general future and the futures of those I love. If there's one thing I really learnt in the past 6 years it is that thinking about the future isn't good: you're bound to be wrong about it.

Yet, even though I am now fully aware of this, I still can't help thinking about it. Now, it wouldn't be a problem if the future turned out to be better than what I'm imagining it to be, but, unfortunately, I don't have a very good track record in this area. Reality is always worse than my expectations.

So - and here's the million dollar question - why do I still insist to think so much about the future?

And, I think the simplest yet accurate answer would be that it's in human nature. We all want to know what's coming next, and we want to know it now. I can't help being human. 

Competitive

My uncle came over today and we all played pictionary. It was a lot of fun, but sometimes I can get too competitive. Being competitive is something that runs in my family. We all have a tendency to take games that are supposed to be only for fun way too seriously.

I remember that I was more competitive as a kid. Now, I've learnt to some extent how to be less competitive, but still.

Anyway, games are supposed to be about having fun, and getting to competitive can ruin that fun. 

Big Families

Some of our second cousins whom we hardly see came to our house today. It was also the birthday of one of them, so all of us celebrated it together. It was fun and it's a shame that we don't get to see them that often.

I have a big family with all sorts of people. Name any characteristic and I'll be able to find at least one person in my extended family who has that characteristic. I like that though. I like having such a variety of people whom I can call family, even if I don't particularly like all those people.

Of course, I'm only close and comfortable with my close family, but that doesn't make having a big family any less interesting. There's always gossip about everyone and lots of gatherings that have the potential of being fun.

Basically, what I'm trying to say is that big families rule. 

Movie

Today, we watched the movie called 'Temple Grandin'. It was such a moving film and almost all of us who were watching teared up at some point.

Grandin is such an inspiring women, and I can't even put into words how great I think she is.

And I won't even try to - at least not today because I'm tired and need to wake up relatively early tomorrow. But, I just wanted to state how much I liked the movie. 

Growing Up

When you're told as a kid that being an adult isn't fun, you always assume that you are being lied to. You look up to your parents and see how they have no apparent restrictions like a bed-time or having to do homework. 

As you grow up, you learn that they do have restrictions, just restrictions that are different to those of a child. But, you still don't mind. You still long to grow up and be independent and have all the benefits that come with being an adult. 

And, just when it's too late, when you are becoming an adult, you realize that you don't want to be one anymore. You want to go back and relive your childhood days. Unfortunately, you can not do that, and instead have to live each day knowing you're going further ands further away from the wonderful freedoms that come with being a child. 

My Being An Introvert

I know I'm an introvert, but sometimes I don't like being one. Sometimes, I wish that I was able to interact in large groups with ease, and that I would actually enjoy it. People can be so interesting, and, normally I'm perfectly content in watching them from a far - like a creeper - but sometimes I wonder if it would be fun to actually be in the groups.

Now I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, well, then you can do whatever you want! Go join those groups and interact with them like an extrovert! But, it's not that easy. And I've had enough experience to know that I won't have as much fun than if I just read a book or something like that.

Don't get me wrong, I love being an introvert. I know all the benefits to being an introvert, but I also know the disadvantages and sometimes I wonder how my life would be like if I wasn't so interverted.

This One

This time last year, we were all packing, getting ready to travel. This year, I'm sitting writing a blog post. Okay, well, I'm doing more than just that in general, but you get what I mean, right?

I watched Fringe today, and I have two more episodes until I finish Season 4. I'll probably watch them tomorrow. I'm really excited to see what happens, but I'm also upset because then I'll have nothing to watch.

 I really dislike the nailpolish I have on right now, even though a lot of people have told me it's nice. Maybe I'll change it tomorrow.

To be honest, I don't feel like blogging anymore, but because I said I would for a whole year, I have to continue. I know that nobody cares if I finish the year or not, but I kind of do. So, I will, even if all the posts are as boring as this one.

It's Over!

I didn't blog yesterday because I was feeling tired after I watched the Closing Ceremony, so I couldn't even think of blogging.

I thought the ceremony was a lot of fun, and it was quite enjoyable to watch. It was nice seeing all the athletes having fun and enjoying themselves after what must have been two tough weeks for them. And they're all sort of united in the end, which is also nice. That's the best thing about the Olympics: it unites countries.

Now that it's over, I don't know what to watch on TV. This is the first time in two weeks that the TV has been off. We literally had the TV on the whole day, flipping through channels to watch as many sports as we could. And now, we're just sitting here, wondering what to do.

I can't wait for the Winter Olympics in 2014, but until then, I'll just have to stick to watching series instead of sports.

How My Mind Works Before I Blog

I want to read but I have to write this post first. I've got nothing to write about. I keep trying to search my mind for anything - anything - that I want to write about, and I'm drawing a blank.

What should I do when that happens? How can I make this entry worth publishing? I've tried to look for funny jokes, but I couldn't find any that I really liked. Then I searched for pictures - I literally searched 'pictures' on google images. There were mostly pictures of cute animals. But I didn't find anything that I thought would make sense on here.

And now I'm on Tumblr, looking at the posts that I've liked. Maybe I'll find something funny that I can post here.
 Oh, I found something I can talk about!

Actual Blogpost Which Isn't Even That Interesting:

http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m66m5vOa0z1rsk30do1_500.jpg

I love that quote - and of course I love the book the quote comes from - but it depresses me since I don't know how good I am at forgiveness. Although, to be fair to myself, I find it a lot easier to forgive than forget: I have the ability to remember certain things for a very long time.

Still, I agree that it is a good thing to forgive people, I just wish I knew how to.

Good Night

Today was Christopher's birthday, and so our family came over to spend the day by the pool. It was fun and it was the first time I had ever seen my youngest cousin swim.

Anyway, the Olympics are going to end soon, and I'm sad about that. Although, I'm going to be relieved of always watching the country I'm cheering for lose.

I was thinking of writing something meaningful about how it's weird that my younger brother is 16 and old enough to drive in Canada, but I mean, it's not that weird. It's not weird enough for me to write a whole blog post about, just a paragraph.

Anyway, it's time for me to sleep! So good night!

Summer Stuff

Today was, in general, a good day. I finished the book I was reading and I'm not sure if I like how it ended, but still. It was a good day.

I have a list of books I want to reread this summer, and I have a few books that I want to read which I haven't read before, and I don't know with list to start from. I think I might just end up reading like 2 or 3 books at once, like I've been doing for the past few days. Lately, I've been reading a lot, but I don't know how long this will continue for. But I hope I do continue to read as much as I'm reading now.

Last year at this time, we had our second cousins staying over, and my mum and I were talking about how much fun it was. It was nice to have them around and to spend the whole day with them by the pool. Also, we had just booked out flights to America and we were all half-excited and half-unsure-how-to-feel. Things are really different this year. There will be no spontaneous trips or anything like that.

But that doesn't mean that I won't enjoy the last few weeks before school starts. I plan to have a lot of fun.*

_____

*Fun for me is reading, so I don't mean I plan to go out a lot. Just thought I'd clarify that. 

Energy

You know that feeling when you're watching your favourite sports team and they're winning? And everything they do is impeccable, and you're sitting on the edge of your seat for the next play. You're sure that there is no way that they could make a single mistake. Plus, even if they do make a mistake, it doesn't matter because they will win anyway.

If you do, then you know how your energy from watching that one sport can keep you pumped up for the rest of the day - if you're into watching sports and winning like I am. Wouldn't it be great if little things like that happened everyday? Wouldn't it be great to always feel full of positive energy?

Worrying

I can't believe school starts in a month. It wasn't supposed to be like this. I always thought I wouldn't have to worry in grade 12, and now I will worry more. And worrying really is the most pointless thing in the world.

People worry when they are helpless, when they feel like a certain outcome which they aren't in favour of is possible, and yet they can't do anything about that outcome. But worrying does not make that outcome more or less likely to occur, so what's the point?

I always used to think if I was better, I would be able to stop worrying and actually do something. But sometimes it's impossible for me to do anything. Sometimes, the only way to be actively involved in the outcome is to worry. It still doesn't help, though.

Of course, previously, I could have done something to stop worrying, and I never did. And it's hard to explain, but I will always remember that. What else do I have to remember?

Bad Mood

I'm kind of in a bad mood. That's what the Olympics does to a person, right? ;)

I have a huge feeling that the school year coming up will not be a good one. I've always been waiting for the year when I'd be in grade 12, but now I can't wait for it to end. I'm just really worried about some stuff I guess. And once again, I'm going to apologise because I won't be elaborating on what I'm worrying about because it's something that only concerns me.

I notice I do that a lot. It's that I'm really tempted to write things here and express how I feel, but I'm not good a that. I like to keep my strong feelings a secret because it's safer. So, I mention something, but I don't elaborate.

 People have said in many different ways how life can not be lived to it's fullest potential unless you take risks, and I agree with that. But I don't think I'm quite ready to take the risk of expressing myself fully yet.

Anyway, tomorrow I might write a brighter entry that's actually interesting to read.

Books

I'm reading a book called House Rules, and it's good so far. There are some parts which I don't like in Picoult's portrayal of a teen with Asperger's. Otherwise I like it so far. I don't think I'll like it once I go further into the book though, for reasons.

I'm also rereading TFiOS. I don't want to talk about. But it's probably my favourite book, and, man, is it addictive. I have to force myself to put it down when I have to leave somewhere. 

I've been reading a lot, so sorry if a lot of my next posts will be about books. 

Connection

I didn't write anything yesterday because I couldn't. And I didn't want to try. Don't get me wrong: I wanted to write something. In fact, I wanted to write about Esther. But now, I won't write about her. I don't know if it's because I don't want to, I can't, or I feel I'm not 'worthy' to write about her.* Maybe it's all three of them.

Lately, I've been reading a lot. Reading could be one of the best things in the world. You get to delve into a new world that was created by someone you don't know at all. Yet, you feel a sort of connection with the author. Sure, sometimes the connection is stronger with some authors than others, depending on the story an how much you liked it, but I think it always exists.

The fact that you're reading something that they spent lots of time on and must have reread millions of times is enough to make the connection. You get to see how the author pictures his or her story, and how they expressed that story into words. I don't know. I just find it amazing.

Of course, this connection is a one-way connection**, but it still exists and that fact doesn't make it any less amazing.

______

*By not worthy, I mean because I didn't actually know her, and I can talk about her, but I feel it would be hypocritical in a way, since I, well, didn't know her.

**Do people say an one way? No, right? That's odd.

Girl At Funeral

She didn't know what to do. All around her were people wearing black, looking solemn for a reason she wasn't aware of. Maybe if she smiled, she could make someone else smile; that had always worked previously. As soon as she started to smile, her mother quickly shook her head though. Feeling that must she be in serious trouble if her mother wasn't allowing her to smile, she frowned.

All she wanted to do was get away from all these people. Why was she here in the first place? When her parents told her that they were going somewhere together, she thought they'd be taking her somewhere fun. Instead, they brought her here.

Then, she spotted food. Letting go of her mother's hand, she went to grab a sandwich. She did it partly because she was hungry and the sandwiches looked good and partly because no one was eating, so if she ate, she might get some attention. When she took a bite, though, no one even looked in her direction. Everyone was acting so weird. Feeling uncomfortable, she quickly finished her sandwich and went back to her mother's side.

Her mother was talking quietly to a tall man who was wearing black.

"Hello," the man said, bending down so that he was her height. "How are you doing?"

She looked up at the stranger and didn't answer. Although the stranger's voice was cheery, he looked sad and she didn't know what to reply. Seeing that she wasn't going to answer, he stood up straight again. He turned to her mother and said, "Is she aware of what happened?"

Her mother patted her hair before saying, "Oh, I doubt it; she's only two, after all." 

No Topic

I didn't write anything yesterday because for some reason I couldn't open blogspot. And don't think I didn't try, because I did!

I keep writing things and then erasing them. I have no good topic to talk about, and, frankly, I want to sleep. 

Maybe I'll write a short story tomorrow to make up for this. Or maybe I'll just write a normal post. 

Things

My phone is dying so this will be short. 

I can't believe that summer is almost over. We only have a month left, and I still have a lot that I want to do. I fear that the Olympics will stop me from doing some of these things, but, hey, it's the Olympics. 

Anyway, have a good day. 

Great Post

The next few days, I'll be busy with family, so I don't know long my blogs will be. One of my favourite things about summer is spending time with my family that lives abroad. Last year, our second cousins came to stay with us, and this summer our relatives might also come. It's nice to see them all, because a lot of them are people I hardly ever get to see.

I haven't gotten a chance to watch Fringe - or any show - since last week, and I've been getting more headaches lately. I'm just writing that as proof that watching things on my laptop do not, in fact, have a lot to do with my headaches.

So, to wrap this up, I might not blog a lot tomorrow, and that's all I said of importance. What a great post, right?

More Olympics

The Olympics are so fun to watch. I know it's just the first day, and by the last day, I'll probably be glad to stop watching sports, but now it's really entertaining.  We watched the semi-finals and finals for female fencing, and I got really into it. Congrats to Italy who won all three medals! All of the three winners played extremely well.  As I was watching the men's gymnastics, I couldn't help imagine being in one of their shoes. Imagine working so hard to get there, and then making one small mistake that ruins your chances. Wouldn't that be just horrible?  And we, the spectators, watch and criticize their every mistake. We even go as far as to say how 'bad' they did. How can they be bad if they qualified for the Olympics? The fact that they're there means that no matter what the outcome will be, they're all really talented in the sport they play.  I can just imagine how nervous they all must be. And I hope that they all feel proud for being there, no matter how they perform. 

The Opening

I just finished watching the Opening Ceremony for the Olympics. In my opinion, the ceremony was very nice. I know that England must have had a lot of pressure because they had to put on a show that was better than Beijing's in 2008, and I think they did a good job. I can't say if they had a better show though - mostly because I forgot a lot of the Beijing Opening Ceremony.  My favourite parts were the show by the hospitals  with the children in beds, Mr. Bean, and, of course, Paul McCartney.  That's all I'll say about the Ceremony for now, because I have to sleep. But I'm definitely looking forward to watching the Olympics in the next weeks!

Making A Difference

I think that everyone wants to make a difference in this world, and I'm not an exception to this. I always think about the best way that I can help others and help society in general. I'm really inspired by the people who make TedTalks, because they are people who have a purpose, who have made a difference in some way.

And I want to be one of them. I don't mean that I want to go and make important talks, but I do want to make a difference. I want to do something that will help the world. I know I talked previously about how the world will end at some point, and no one will matter, but still I have the inclination to do something that will matter now.

And maybe I will do something that will matter, but there's always a chance that I won't.

Science

When I was younger, I had really weird theories about the world around us. I won't go into them, but you should trust me when I say that they were really weird. Now, obviously, I've discarded them, and depend on science to explain the world around me, even if it doesn't have all the answers yet.

For me, science is the only thing that people can rely on. Sure, lots of scientists are wrong, and hypotheses can be disproved, but at least it's always moving forward. It's continuously searching for answers, even when the answers seem so far away.

And, it has already answered quite a few questions, even if it haven't answered all of them. Basically, my point is that we will continue to become more aware of the world around us, and enlighten ourselves if we put more of our faith in science.

Dreams

I've been having really weird dreams lately. I don't know why they're so weird, but they are. For example, I recently had a dream that I fell out of an airplane. And it wasn't like the plane crashed; I just was in the plane and then, suddenly,I wasn't. I survived the fall though, but landed in a really weird area. I've had other dreams that were weird, which I can't remember well. I just remember that they were weird, but also good dreams. I guess having weird dreams is normal, but I just normally have semi-normal dreams, or I forget my dreams. Anyway, I can't wait to sleep and have more weird, exciting dreams.

Isn't he/she cute?

Personalities

Some people have the ability to have two completely different personalities which they are able to change between as they like. Those people always baffle me. I know that I can act differently at times, and I can act like a lot of things, but I don't think I have two completely different personalities. I think I have one personality that has many aspects - which is what I believe most people have.

I'm not saying it's a bad thing to have two personalities, I'm just saying I don't get it. And when people are able to change so quickly, it scares me. I don't know  exactly why, but it does. I feel like I don't know them and that I wouldn't want them to know me. I don't know how to explain it, but it just gives me an eerie feeling.

When you know someone who is like that, you just naturally assume that their worse personality is their real one. And it makes sense. Why would anyone purposely choose to have a mean or violent etc.. personality if they had the choice to have a pleasant one? But, does that really make sense? Everyone, ultimately, has the choice, even if they just have one personality.

I feel like I'm going on a tangent here. Whichever personality you think is more like that person's actual personality, you can never be a hundred percent sure. Which is why I don't feel comfortable around those people. Call me crazy, but I like to know the personalities of the people around me.

Maybe

Wow, it's 1:30am? I didn't realise it was this late. Today was an interesting day. I'm not going to go into it, but it just was. I will say that I had some nice conversations with Vivian and my mum.

Sorry for being so vague, but I really don't want to get into it, and I basically just wrote that for me to remember in the future. I realise that that isn't the main point of a blog, but I feel like it's important for me.

I feel like writing about anything, just so that this isn't a post where I basically tell my readers nothing. But, to be honest, I have nothing to write about. Maybe I'll have something more interesting to say tomorrow.

Maybe not. 

Ramadan Kareem

Lately, I've been editing my third Nanowrimo novel, and it's been going well so far. Normally, when I start to edit them, I become lazy or bored, and don't continue through the whole story. This time, though, I'm almost halfway through. My theory as to why this is the case this time is that I actually like my story this time. I mean, I liked all the original ideas for my other stories, but this one is the most interesting in my opinion.

Anyway, when I finish the first draft of that one, I might finish the other one's too. That way all of them would be on their second drafts. Maybe, then I can work on finishing some of my unfinished stories. I'm quite excited about that.

The problem is that I don't like my writing in general. I think that, on a whole, my ideas are good, but my writing isn't good enough. So, when I'm editing, I try to think of it as if it's not my own story to see if I, personally, would enjoy it or not. I don't know how well this will work out in the end since I have a tendency to like everything I read, but we'll see.

And, to everyone who celebrates it, Ramadan Kareem! I don't know if I said that yesterday or not, but even if I did, what do I lose by saying it twice?

TV

I just finished the season 3 finale for Fringe and it was so amazing. I don't know how to even explain how great it was.

I stopped watching Fringe - for some unknown reason - and lately I've started to watch it again. I'm so hooked onto it, and, now, I'm trying to get as many people to watch it as possible. I can't wait to start watching Season 4.I don't want to go into the actual plot because I don't want to spoil it for anyone, but I would definitely recommend it to anyone.

Vivian's Stories

Yesterday, as I tried to fall asleep, I started thinking of my grandma, Vivian, and how she would always tell me the best stories before bed. Sometimes they'd be fairy tales, or even stories like Moby Dick. But sometimes she would tell me stories of our relatives and of her childhood.

I would love to hear about how she would spend the summer in Alex with her siblings and her friends. Or how she and her brothers would get in trouble at school. I especially liked to hear these stories when we were in Canada and I felt so far away from all of our family. Hearing about them made me feel as if I knew them better, even though I didn't know them that well at all.

I hope that my younger cousins get to sleep over at Vivian's and get to hear all of these stories too, because I'm sure that they'd really appreciate them. I know that I still do.

Guitar and Debates

I'm in the middle of watching a debate about whether there is an afterlife and it's quite interesting. (When I say 'in the middle' I mean more like the beginning, but whatever.) Debates are really interesting and I haven't watched one since I travelled to Canada. I'm looking forward to watching a lot of debates in the next few days.

I'm trying to play guitar more often also, because I want to get better and plucking instead of just strumming.

So, that's basically all that's new with me. Maybe I'll have more to say tomorrow.

Right Hand

My right hand is shaking and the fingers on my left hand hurt from all the guitar I've been playing. I'm finding this kind of hard to type right now. I think today was a kind of productive day for me, which is good because before we left to Canada, I didn't do much. I kept telling myself that once we were back, I'd start doing the things I planned to do this summer. So, I'm glad that I've started some of that stuff today.

Unfortunately, I won't be able to do anything tomorrow because I'm going to my grandma's house. But, you do a lot one day, and then have a break the next. At least I'll read a lot tomorrow.

But I always start off all enthusiastic and then, after a few days, I get tired and go back to doing nothing. I hope this doesn't happen this time.

My right hand stopped shaking.

(This was written on July 15th, but for some reason, it didn't get published...)

Fate?

I used to believe that everything happens for a reason. In fact, I used to believe that everything happened to teach people lessons. Now, I don't believe that at all. I think that things happen completely by accident or coincidence. There's no such thing as fate or anything like that.

I don't know when I realised that, but I just thought about writing it today (partly because I don't really have anything else to write about). But, I think it's important for people to realise this because as long as you believe in fate, and that things happen for a reason, you start to let things happen without interfering. People need to take responsibility for their actions and to think before they act, and some people don't do this when they believe in fate.

Anyway, I feel like I went off on a tangent there. So, I'm going to go now. And, to those who care, I haven't found my yarn yet.  

Yarn

This will be short because, once again, I want to sleep. I feel like that's all I ever want to do.  So, I've been looking all over my room to find yarn. I remember I had this big bag with all different types of yarn and now I have no idea where it is.  I have found quite a few interesting things in my room though. But no yarn.  I guess I'll have to continue the search tomorrow!

Realizations.

You know what I just realised? I haven't been sick since my birthday. I should be getting sick soon. I also realised that thinking that is on the weird side. But, hey, at least if I do get sick, I'll be prepared.

Also, I realised that today is Friday the 13th. I don't know how that fact slipped my mind. (I only realised this at the end of the day.) As far as I'm aware nothing bad happened. We'll see if that's true tomorrow in the news.

I saw Tarek and Karim today, and they're adorable as ever.

Nadeen is watching the weirdest show ever. It looks kind of familiar though.

So, I'm going to sleep now even though I don't feel one bit tired. But I know that's just the jet lag, and since I plan to wake up at 9, I have to go now!