More of Myself

Sometimes I don't like myself. I make up excuses for the way I am as if they're actually valid excuses. They're not. I don't tell people my excuses, but I keep them for myself. It's a way to reassure myself; a way of telling myself that sure, maybe I'm not the best, but it's not my fault. But whose fault could it be but mine?

Sometimes, I feel like I don't realize what I have because I'm too fixated on everything I don't have. But it's hard sometimes to look at the good things; it's human nature to always want more. See? I always come up with excuses.

I know that I'm a pessimist - though I think I'm actually a realist, but don't most pessimist think that? I wish I was optimistic. I wish I could see a future where I would not make any excuses or focus on the things I don't have. But I can't see a good future ever, even though according to my life so far, I should have a good one: nothing points to a bad future.

Don't think I'm depressed or upset in anyway just because I'm writing this; I just wanted to get it off my chest. I mean, sometimes I don't like who I am, but sometimes I do. It's just now I'm feeling more of the former.