Old House

The old door creaked as it swayed back and forth with the wind. The windows were so full of dust that they looked black. They probably hadn't really been windows for many many years. The whole house hadn't been a home for many many years except to bugs and rodents.

A few meters from the door, three small children were standing arguing amongst each other.

"You have to go in first!" cried the youngest one who had two small pigtails and probably wasn't even 6.
"No, Johnny should go in. It was his idea in the first place," said the oldest, calmly.
"Yes, but the deal was that you'd go in first."
"No one cares about the deal."

This went on for a few more minutes until finally the oldest let out a sigh and said, "Fine. I'll go first."

She took a deep breath and walked towards the creaking door. She didn't want to show it, but she was scared. This house looked like it had come out of a horror movie and she had never wanted to go in it. But now she had to because of their stupid dare. Why couldn't she have just stayed at home?

The two younger kids stared in amazement. They never thought Rory would be brave enough to go first. She hated that house and even chose to walk the longer route to school just to avoid it. Maybe the house wasn't as scary as it seemed and maybe Rory had somehow realized that.

They saw Rory push the door and then walk in to the darkness. 

Thursday

Today is the last Thurday before school starts. It seems like it was only a few weeks ago when I was saying that it was the last Thursday of school. The days have really gone by quickly.

Tomorrow should be a good day. I hope it is.

This might seem random, but I was thinking about how people misjudge others. And when they realize their mistake - if, in fact, they ever do - then they probably feel embarrassed about themselves and try to act as if they had never misjudged anyone. But it doesn't work that way. People don't forget how others have treated them just because those others think they should.

Wouldn't it be great if that was the case, though? Imagine how easy forgiving would be. 

Creek

When we were in Canada, Nadeen and I were sharing a room and she would always watch Dawson's Creek before she slept. One of the days, she recommended that I watch it, and so today I watched the first two episodes.

Now, I should admit that the main reason I decided to watch it was because of Joshua Jackson, and because I wanted to see him act as someone besides's Peter. But I did not expect him to be so young. The whole time I couldn't help but imagine him as Peter and not Pacey.

It's odd though to see him so young, or any person, for that matter, whom you've seen as an adult as a teenager or kid.* I guess it's because it doesn't work like that: you normally see people as a kid and then as an adult, not the other way around.

Anyway, I might watch episode 3 tomorrow, or not. I think that after I promised to try and write a post everyday, I've decided to not make any more commitments. Saying that, I plan on entering Nanowrimo this November. I can't help myself sometimes.

______

*This sentence is phrased horribly, but hopefully you get the point. 

Good Day

Today was a good day. I'm really tired now, though - not that it beinga good  or bad day has anything to do with how tired I am. But yes, today was a good day.

I'm still nervous though. Maybe a little less nervous about some things, but I'm still nervous.

You don't know how much I wish I had something of value to say right now, but I don't. So I won't prolong your reading this. Good night!

Nerves

School starts in exactly a week. I'm nervous. Not about school though. I know that the way those two sentences are written it is almost impossible not to associate my nervousness with school, but I promise that that is not why I'm nervous.

I finished reading Pride and Prejudice about a week ago and I have just finished watching the 1995 series. I thought the series was good. But now when I feel upset or anything like that, I feel like exclaiming, "My poor nerves! You do not know how I suffer!" or something to that effect.

But, seriously, my poor nerves. You really don't know how I suffer.

Just kidding.

Summers

I really feel like writing stories these days. So maybe the next few posts will be short stories that don't really have a plot like the rest of the stories here. But to be fair, most of the stories I write here are written right before I sleep and are not in the least bit planned. So if they are horrible, I have an excuse - only not really, because no excuse can ever really be excused.

Anyway, school is just around the corner and I was thinking about whether I accomplished most of my goals for this summer. I think that for the most part, I have. I'm a lot happier about how this summer turned out to be than last year's summer. Last year, I accomplished nothing that I wanted, but last summer was more enjoyable, I think.

I guess both were good in their own ways. 

The 25th

My grandparents left very early in the morning so I didn't get to see them. But I think they enjoyed themselves this past week which I'm happy about.

I think we will be quite busy during this last week before school. We have a few things we need to do.

I have nothing of importance to say today. So this is where I'll end this post.
TSWGO

Story: Almost There

I thought I'd write a story today. Here it is:

It's really crowded here. We are all tired after a 10 day holiday that wasn't actually a holiday, but more like 10 days of us driving around with a bit of happy and a bit of depressing parts. But this crowd is just too much. We are a big group and as we stand in line, we have to slightly push people so that we can all stand together. The toddler who was forced to come with us is fed up and just wants to get home. He starts screaming 'AKAA' very loudly.

Everyone looks at us. They all seem tired also and don't take kindly to the screaming. We try to make him be quiet but he is hearing nothing of it. We give up after a minute because at this point we don't care if anyone's annoyed - or we do care, but this is what we tell ourselves so we don't have to make an effort.

Finally it's our turn next and we take off our shoes and belts and rush through the metal detectors. This is the last metal detector we'll pass on this journey. Once we've all passed, we smile at each other. We don't need to say anything because we know what we're all thinking: we're almost home.

Of course, we're not almost home; we still have a few long ours ahead of us. But it doesn't matter, because passing that gate, passing the metal detectors, we have crossed the imaginary line that was separating us from home.

So we are almost there. 

Best Holiday

My grandparents have been staying with us for a week, and on Saturday, they're leaving. It's been fun while they've been around. We've been eating so much and swimming and spending most of the day downstairs together. In this past week, my lifestyle has changed a lot.

Some things that haven't changed are that I still read a lot, watch videos, and try to play guitar at least once a day.

But the main point of this post - and yes it does have one - is that even though I'm at home, it feels like I'm on holiday. Only on this holiday, I have all of my things so that I can still do the things I love to do. For me, this is the best kind of holiday ever. 

Kay and Differences

I was planning on writing this whole post on how much Sarah Kay inspires me, because she does. She has such a soothing voice which I can't even begin to compare to mine, her poetry is beautiful, and she's very entertaining to watch.

But, I have decided to not devote this whole post to her but just the first paragraph. Instead, I thought I could write about what it means to be grown up. Does it mean paying bills? Or living away from your parents? And when does a person become an adult? I don't mean legally and whatnot, but I mean mentally. 

And what does it even mean to be an adult?

As an adult, you think children are very different from you and as a child, you think adults act in the weirdest ways. But are they really much different? Aren't they the same but with different toys? With the same feelings and emotions but with different ways of expressing them?

Sometimes I can look at a little kid and a grown up and see that they're almost identical. Maybe it's just me, and I'm looking the wrong way. 

Regrets

When we look back at our lives, we all have our regrets. We all wish we had done many things differently, or that we had been wiser at the time. My question today ischemic what is your biggest regret? What do you really wish you had done differently?

I think I know what mine is, but I'm not a hundred percent sure. I'm not going to share it here because my regrets are mine and they'll stay that way. And I'm not asking you to tell me yours; I just think it's important for us to think of our own biggest regret.

I know it's a corny saying, but we do learn from our mistakes. But we also have a tendency to dwell on the past in an unhealthy way. If we could find a way to remember our past mistakes without dwelling on them, then we could make sure we don't make them again. That's why I'm saying that we should find one big mistake, and work on that. Then, you can learn without dwelling on the whole past.

Future?

Lately, I've been thinking about the future. Not specifically my future, but more of the general future and the futures of those I love. If there's one thing I really learnt in the past 6 years it is that thinking about the future isn't good: you're bound to be wrong about it.

Yet, even though I am now fully aware of this, I still can't help thinking about it. Now, it wouldn't be a problem if the future turned out to be better than what I'm imagining it to be, but, unfortunately, I don't have a very good track record in this area. Reality is always worse than my expectations.

So - and here's the million dollar question - why do I still insist to think so much about the future?

And, I think the simplest yet accurate answer would be that it's in human nature. We all want to know what's coming next, and we want to know it now. I can't help being human. 

Competitive

My uncle came over today and we all played pictionary. It was a lot of fun, but sometimes I can get too competitive. Being competitive is something that runs in my family. We all have a tendency to take games that are supposed to be only for fun way too seriously.

I remember that I was more competitive as a kid. Now, I've learnt to some extent how to be less competitive, but still.

Anyway, games are supposed to be about having fun, and getting to competitive can ruin that fun. 

Big Families

Some of our second cousins whom we hardly see came to our house today. It was also the birthday of one of them, so all of us celebrated it together. It was fun and it's a shame that we don't get to see them that often.

I have a big family with all sorts of people. Name any characteristic and I'll be able to find at least one person in my extended family who has that characteristic. I like that though. I like having such a variety of people whom I can call family, even if I don't particularly like all those people.

Of course, I'm only close and comfortable with my close family, but that doesn't make having a big family any less interesting. There's always gossip about everyone and lots of gatherings that have the potential of being fun.

Basically, what I'm trying to say is that big families rule. 

Movie

Today, we watched the movie called 'Temple Grandin'. It was such a moving film and almost all of us who were watching teared up at some point.

Grandin is such an inspiring women, and I can't even put into words how great I think she is.

And I won't even try to - at least not today because I'm tired and need to wake up relatively early tomorrow. But, I just wanted to state how much I liked the movie. 

Growing Up

When you're told as a kid that being an adult isn't fun, you always assume that you are being lied to. You look up to your parents and see how they have no apparent restrictions like a bed-time or having to do homework. 

As you grow up, you learn that they do have restrictions, just restrictions that are different to those of a child. But, you still don't mind. You still long to grow up and be independent and have all the benefits that come with being an adult. 

And, just when it's too late, when you are becoming an adult, you realize that you don't want to be one anymore. You want to go back and relive your childhood days. Unfortunately, you can not do that, and instead have to live each day knowing you're going further ands further away from the wonderful freedoms that come with being a child. 

My Being An Introvert

I know I'm an introvert, but sometimes I don't like being one. Sometimes, I wish that I was able to interact in large groups with ease, and that I would actually enjoy it. People can be so interesting, and, normally I'm perfectly content in watching them from a far - like a creeper - but sometimes I wonder if it would be fun to actually be in the groups.

Now I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, well, then you can do whatever you want! Go join those groups and interact with them like an extrovert! But, it's not that easy. And I've had enough experience to know that I won't have as much fun than if I just read a book or something like that.

Don't get me wrong, I love being an introvert. I know all the benefits to being an introvert, but I also know the disadvantages and sometimes I wonder how my life would be like if I wasn't so interverted.

This One

This time last year, we were all packing, getting ready to travel. This year, I'm sitting writing a blog post. Okay, well, I'm doing more than just that in general, but you get what I mean, right?

I watched Fringe today, and I have two more episodes until I finish Season 4. I'll probably watch them tomorrow. I'm really excited to see what happens, but I'm also upset because then I'll have nothing to watch.

 I really dislike the nailpolish I have on right now, even though a lot of people have told me it's nice. Maybe I'll change it tomorrow.

To be honest, I don't feel like blogging anymore, but because I said I would for a whole year, I have to continue. I know that nobody cares if I finish the year or not, but I kind of do. So, I will, even if all the posts are as boring as this one.

It's Over!

I didn't blog yesterday because I was feeling tired after I watched the Closing Ceremony, so I couldn't even think of blogging.

I thought the ceremony was a lot of fun, and it was quite enjoyable to watch. It was nice seeing all the athletes having fun and enjoying themselves after what must have been two tough weeks for them. And they're all sort of united in the end, which is also nice. That's the best thing about the Olympics: it unites countries.

Now that it's over, I don't know what to watch on TV. This is the first time in two weeks that the TV has been off. We literally had the TV on the whole day, flipping through channels to watch as many sports as we could. And now, we're just sitting here, wondering what to do.

I can't wait for the Winter Olympics in 2014, but until then, I'll just have to stick to watching series instead of sports.

How My Mind Works Before I Blog

I want to read but I have to write this post first. I've got nothing to write about. I keep trying to search my mind for anything - anything - that I want to write about, and I'm drawing a blank.

What should I do when that happens? How can I make this entry worth publishing? I've tried to look for funny jokes, but I couldn't find any that I really liked. Then I searched for pictures - I literally searched 'pictures' on google images. There were mostly pictures of cute animals. But I didn't find anything that I thought would make sense on here.

And now I'm on Tumblr, looking at the posts that I've liked. Maybe I'll find something funny that I can post here.
 Oh, I found something I can talk about!

Actual Blogpost Which Isn't Even That Interesting:

http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m66m5vOa0z1rsk30do1_500.jpg

I love that quote - and of course I love the book the quote comes from - but it depresses me since I don't know how good I am at forgiveness. Although, to be fair to myself, I find it a lot easier to forgive than forget: I have the ability to remember certain things for a very long time.

Still, I agree that it is a good thing to forgive people, I just wish I knew how to.

Good Night

Today was Christopher's birthday, and so our family came over to spend the day by the pool. It was fun and it was the first time I had ever seen my youngest cousin swim.

Anyway, the Olympics are going to end soon, and I'm sad about that. Although, I'm going to be relieved of always watching the country I'm cheering for lose.

I was thinking of writing something meaningful about how it's weird that my younger brother is 16 and old enough to drive in Canada, but I mean, it's not that weird. It's not weird enough for me to write a whole blog post about, just a paragraph.

Anyway, it's time for me to sleep! So good night!

Summer Stuff

Today was, in general, a good day. I finished the book I was reading and I'm not sure if I like how it ended, but still. It was a good day.

I have a list of books I want to reread this summer, and I have a few books that I want to read which I haven't read before, and I don't know with list to start from. I think I might just end up reading like 2 or 3 books at once, like I've been doing for the past few days. Lately, I've been reading a lot, but I don't know how long this will continue for. But I hope I do continue to read as much as I'm reading now.

Last year at this time, we had our second cousins staying over, and my mum and I were talking about how much fun it was. It was nice to have them around and to spend the whole day with them by the pool. Also, we had just booked out flights to America and we were all half-excited and half-unsure-how-to-feel. Things are really different this year. There will be no spontaneous trips or anything like that.

But that doesn't mean that I won't enjoy the last few weeks before school starts. I plan to have a lot of fun.*

_____

*Fun for me is reading, so I don't mean I plan to go out a lot. Just thought I'd clarify that. 

Energy

You know that feeling when you're watching your favourite sports team and they're winning? And everything they do is impeccable, and you're sitting on the edge of your seat for the next play. You're sure that there is no way that they could make a single mistake. Plus, even if they do make a mistake, it doesn't matter because they will win anyway.

If you do, then you know how your energy from watching that one sport can keep you pumped up for the rest of the day - if you're into watching sports and winning like I am. Wouldn't it be great if little things like that happened everyday? Wouldn't it be great to always feel full of positive energy?

Worrying

I can't believe school starts in a month. It wasn't supposed to be like this. I always thought I wouldn't have to worry in grade 12, and now I will worry more. And worrying really is the most pointless thing in the world.

People worry when they are helpless, when they feel like a certain outcome which they aren't in favour of is possible, and yet they can't do anything about that outcome. But worrying does not make that outcome more or less likely to occur, so what's the point?

I always used to think if I was better, I would be able to stop worrying and actually do something. But sometimes it's impossible for me to do anything. Sometimes, the only way to be actively involved in the outcome is to worry. It still doesn't help, though.

Of course, previously, I could have done something to stop worrying, and I never did. And it's hard to explain, but I will always remember that. What else do I have to remember?

Bad Mood

I'm kind of in a bad mood. That's what the Olympics does to a person, right? ;)

I have a huge feeling that the school year coming up will not be a good one. I've always been waiting for the year when I'd be in grade 12, but now I can't wait for it to end. I'm just really worried about some stuff I guess. And once again, I'm going to apologise because I won't be elaborating on what I'm worrying about because it's something that only concerns me.

I notice I do that a lot. It's that I'm really tempted to write things here and express how I feel, but I'm not good a that. I like to keep my strong feelings a secret because it's safer. So, I mention something, but I don't elaborate.

 People have said in many different ways how life can not be lived to it's fullest potential unless you take risks, and I agree with that. But I don't think I'm quite ready to take the risk of expressing myself fully yet.

Anyway, tomorrow I might write a brighter entry that's actually interesting to read.

Books

I'm reading a book called House Rules, and it's good so far. There are some parts which I don't like in Picoult's portrayal of a teen with Asperger's. Otherwise I like it so far. I don't think I'll like it once I go further into the book though, for reasons.

I'm also rereading TFiOS. I don't want to talk about. But it's probably my favourite book, and, man, is it addictive. I have to force myself to put it down when I have to leave somewhere. 

I've been reading a lot, so sorry if a lot of my next posts will be about books. 

Connection

I didn't write anything yesterday because I couldn't. And I didn't want to try. Don't get me wrong: I wanted to write something. In fact, I wanted to write about Esther. But now, I won't write about her. I don't know if it's because I don't want to, I can't, or I feel I'm not 'worthy' to write about her.* Maybe it's all three of them.

Lately, I've been reading a lot. Reading could be one of the best things in the world. You get to delve into a new world that was created by someone you don't know at all. Yet, you feel a sort of connection with the author. Sure, sometimes the connection is stronger with some authors than others, depending on the story an how much you liked it, but I think it always exists.

The fact that you're reading something that they spent lots of time on and must have reread millions of times is enough to make the connection. You get to see how the author pictures his or her story, and how they expressed that story into words. I don't know. I just find it amazing.

Of course, this connection is a one-way connection**, but it still exists and that fact doesn't make it any less amazing.

______

*By not worthy, I mean because I didn't actually know her, and I can talk about her, but I feel it would be hypocritical in a way, since I, well, didn't know her.

**Do people say an one way? No, right? That's odd.

Girl At Funeral

She didn't know what to do. All around her were people wearing black, looking solemn for a reason she wasn't aware of. Maybe if she smiled, she could make someone else smile; that had always worked previously. As soon as she started to smile, her mother quickly shook her head though. Feeling that must she be in serious trouble if her mother wasn't allowing her to smile, she frowned.

All she wanted to do was get away from all these people. Why was she here in the first place? When her parents told her that they were going somewhere together, she thought they'd be taking her somewhere fun. Instead, they brought her here.

Then, she spotted food. Letting go of her mother's hand, she went to grab a sandwich. She did it partly because she was hungry and the sandwiches looked good and partly because no one was eating, so if she ate, she might get some attention. When she took a bite, though, no one even looked in her direction. Everyone was acting so weird. Feeling uncomfortable, she quickly finished her sandwich and went back to her mother's side.

Her mother was talking quietly to a tall man who was wearing black.

"Hello," the man said, bending down so that he was her height. "How are you doing?"

She looked up at the stranger and didn't answer. Although the stranger's voice was cheery, he looked sad and she didn't know what to reply. Seeing that she wasn't going to answer, he stood up straight again. He turned to her mother and said, "Is she aware of what happened?"

Her mother patted her hair before saying, "Oh, I doubt it; she's only two, after all." 

No Topic

I didn't write anything yesterday because for some reason I couldn't open blogspot. And don't think I didn't try, because I did!

I keep writing things and then erasing them. I have no good topic to talk about, and, frankly, I want to sleep. 

Maybe I'll write a short story tomorrow to make up for this. Or maybe I'll just write a normal post.